My parents had an “inter-caste “marriage in 1959 which caused quite a furore. Rumour has it that my snobbish Brahmin grandparents refused to drink even the water served by Ma at the initial stages. Soon enough, my Ma’s grace and cooking had them literally eating out of her hands. Forty years later, I went a stage further to marry not only someone from another caste but also another region of the country who did not speak my language. I was amazed to see a multitude of people from relatives to savvy family friends ask me “What caste is the boy?” I had no idea and neither did he. I accused everyone of being a hypocrite and suggested we burn all the intellectual books in the library in a gust of youthful bravado.
It is the same bravery that is beginning to set women free in our country where the national newspapers carry coverage of at least one case of “honour killing” a day. Today’s paper described how the daughter of a whole-sale vegetable dealer and her “cabbie” boyfriend were electrocuted and beaten to death in Delhi last night. The locality could hear the kids who were only 19 years old, screaming for help for three hours. People who tried to intervene were beaten and the good cops arrived in the morning to pick up the corpses and feed the news to the media. We even had a chief minister of an Indian state defend “khap” or “gotra” in the context of marriage. For those who are uninitiated these are sub sects within a caste.
I learnt about this concept when I was a child. The marriage of my beautiful, refined, gentle and rich grandmother to my grandfather did not make logical sense in an arranged marriage context. I asked my father why such an alliance was made. In a moment of weakness and exasperation he explained that if a daughter is married into a family whose sub-caste or "gotra" is higher than her parental home, the parents earn lots of brownie points from heaven and their chances of their souls gaining salvation rise. Such was the barter of my grandmother.
I am constantly asked by foreigners both at work and as a tourist whether the caste system is alive in India. The answer is complex and cannot be answered in the negative or affirmative. Lots of people don’t care and aren’t aware of their caste and yet there are so many who will kill their children or sisters with their bare hands for the sake of it. Aren’t we an amazing country where same sex alliances are legally permissible, unlike many a developed country of the west, and yet the caste system is alive and defended by the powerful?
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I feel the caste system is very much prevalent, even in modern India. Very few of the educated class actually think freely and accept people for who they are when they marry.
ReplyDeleteIn arranged marriages, people check the caste, gotra and horoscope of the couple. It still happens all around us and most children bow down to parents wishes so as not to hurt them.
It has been entrenched in the way we think, for us to totally remove it, government needs to take steps to remove caste as a section from all official papers and forms. That would be the way to go..and I believe it is possible to change the mindsets..just need strong measures.
Wonderful post, but the bitter truth (truth is always bitter BTW) it still prevails in most parent of the country. My parents just started looking for a bride, first criteria is caste, I am atheist, quite radical but not able to convince my parents. It is not possible to wake a person who pretends sleeping :). May be the caste system is not so common in urban India, but if you notice we divide people by economic status than be caste here. So reality is discrimination cannot be eliminated it will converted from one form to another. I think, reason behind this is fittest of the survival instinct of human.
ReplyDelete--Dhanasekar S
http://testingideas.wordpress.com
Bhagat Bhagat.....he is changing things now. BUt still, there's a lot to change. Intercast marriages are most probably in love. And that's how it should be. How about 'the Japanese wife?'
ReplyDeleteIt is a far cry to eradicate caste system in our country and the irony is that even younger generation is also in to it including dowry system.
ReplyDeleteThis is why i always question if education has really opened closed windows.
ReplyDeleteLast time i went to an IIT festival i was shocked to see students grouped regionally and inwardly nurturing malice rather than unity.
Regionalism,Casteism...will we ever get rid of it?When you see this happening in premier institutons it is not surprising if u find these among the semi-literates.
Appalling still how people choose to remain so passive when such heinous crimes are committed.
Chalta hai duniya hai...oh God when will this be replaced?
Kanyadaan,the play by Vijay Tendulkar is perhaps the strongest work one has seen on the caste system. It leaves one spooked for a long time.
ReplyDeleteAll the best Dhanasekhar.....go and meet some girls!
Sharmila,
ReplyDeleteThanks, hope I will find a lovely angel soon :D. I am not sure people from other part of India are aware of Periyar. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Periyar_E._V._Ramasamy I became an atheist because of him, my thoughts are mostly influenced by his.
The citation awarded by the UNESCO described Periyar as "the prophet of the new age, the Socrates of South East Asia, father of social reform movement and arch enemy of ignorance, superstitions, meaningless customs and base manners"
If you notice the Tamil people names will not have a caste name attached,which is still common in other parts of India and even among educated. Periyar is the solo reason to eliminate it. BTW,I cited this example to show his determination to eliminate caste. :)
Dhanasekar S
I get asked these questions pretty often here. Bollywood, serials and even the way a lot of Indians make jokes on caste attract my Western friends' attention. In fact, a lot of jokes have such casteist or regionalist slant to it, that we don't even realise it till someone points it out. However, in these modern times when you expect these things to be restricted to only jokes, they continue to assume monstrous proportions..The honour killings and this idea of higher-lower caste disparity sickens my stomach every time I read about it..
ReplyDeleteMy mom and dad were both muslims but Mom was Shia and Dad Sunni so there was lots of opposition from both their families specially my Mom's because they were the rich class and my Dad was initially brought as a helping hand to work under her uncle.
ReplyDeleteThe honor killings are really very silly and I really feel very sad for those young lovers who are killed mercilessly in a country where Kasab is still living
This is so complex and difficult for an outsider to understand...and at the same time in my country there are many prejudices that make absolutely no sense to me either...I know that I am not free from this way of thinking/feeling from time to time...I have my judgments about others...that is natural to human beings I think...preferences that relate to our comfort with others who are different (in my case, differing political views are really hard for me to find peace with)...ultimately though, aren't we all just reflections of the Divine? How can one human be above/better than/more worthy or holier than another? they can't be. As a world, as a human family we must all wake up to recognizing God in one another...it is long past time.
ReplyDeleteblessings to you gentle friend