Happy New Year

I will miss and remember 2009 as a year when people were the nicest they have been for a long time. I have realized that a pink slip and the Damocles sword are far more effective in reminding everyone of the teachings of the holy book than any moral science class. This was the year that most adults had adequate time to reach out to people on face book, twitter and LinkedIn. We realized that these tools that appear to be for networking actually opens up a plethora of information and content on the internet which is difficult to sieve through without assistance. Folks connected with each other on their emotional quotients rather than their financials, degrees or arenas of work. Some of us wrote blogs and others were nice enough to read them. There were so many excuses for reunions and people attending them that I was even inspired to write about it. The wonderful part of social networking and the net is that the more one reaches out to people the less illusions one has of personal grandeur for one is a mere speck in the copious information available.

We enter the new decade bidding adieu to recession in India. The friendly boutiques, restaurants, airlines who wanted your money will once again raise their prices and the tilt of their jaw line. The bonus figures will rise and our creative juices will decline. However there will be some among us who will hopefully have transformed some aberrations into habits and will continue to use the opportunities the downturn presented

This blog promises to be one of them. Here’s wishing you a fabulous new year!

Marketing to the eighteen year old

Today’s Economic Times supplement “Brand Equity” has a lead article on how they had a focus group with ten eighteen year old children at Mumbai with two strategic planners, one youth marketer and one creative head. After the discussion the characteristics they have listed about the generation are happy, individualistic, money minded, “jugaddo”, fame-centric, the shortcut generation and stressed. Other adjectives include catchy phrases like “Google & God in that order”, “If you don’t hang out you lose out” and “togetherness over power”.

Amazingly I saw a presentation on You tube yesterday called Digital Strangelove by David Gillespie on how the advent of the digital media requires us to stop compartmentalizing and living in silos.He tells us to focus on intent and tell the consumer stories. I buy David’s point of view and not the one propounded by ET which makes it appear like the new generation is frivolous and flighty.

What one has observed in today’s eighteen year olds is their confidence, independent thought process and ability to juggle various mediums of communication. They are less judgmental about people and the choices they make than their parents. They aspire for expensive things but if they cannot afford it they will step out early, work and buy them in installments. They do not judge and shun people for lack of money or perceive great unhappiness if their own income levels were to fall. They believe in immediate gratification, a sub –conscious fall out of the uncertainties in their world – be it terror, money in the family or their parent’s marriage. They are not as detached and unemotional as they appear. They are not intimidated by power and money as generations before them.

Let us pass off the article as yet another example of how marketing gurus think they know their consumers without listening to them.

Millennium Trilogy

There is nothing nicer in winter than to crawl into bed sipping “adrak chai” and reading a good crime novel. A few months back I discovered an author with a unique style of writing crime stories – Stieg Larsson who was a liberal and crusading Swedish journalist and has written the Millennium Trilogy. Stieg suddenly died at the age of fifty and the manuscript for his novels was delivered to his publisher and his books published posthumously. Some characters of his novels are loosely based on his life and the lead character has seventeen tattoos on her body including a dragon on her back. Writing anything more about her will ruin the book for you but let me just say she is an extremely fascinating, quirky personality and unlike anyone that one may have imagined let alone encounter.

I was initially sceptical about buying a book which was translated from Swedish into English but trusted the recommendation of my friend Mirza who owns Midland book shop. He claimed I would be back for the next two books within a week and his prophecy was true. Larsson’s enormous knowledge of varied topics as a journalist is what lends substance to his writing. The cultural backdrop and characters are quintessentially Swedish - strong,independent and successful. The protagonists are very modern in their behaviour and thought process.

Larsson was the world’s second largest selling author in 2008 after Khaled Hosseini. His main character Lisbeth Salander is apparently his mental image of a grown up Pippi Longstocking who many may recall is a children’s book character by Swedish novelist Astrid Lindgren. The first book has also been made into a Swedish movie which was released in March 2009. Apparently English subtitled DVDs are also available and I am oh so searching for it!

Sonia Gandhi

Rajiv Deshpande has written a wonderful article in today’s paper about a woman that I have always admired from a distance – Sonia Gandhi. She has been declared the Crest person of the decade and it’s a pity that the newspaper relegated the article to a supplement rather than the main paper.

Sonia Gandhi epitomises a person who has played every role as a woman to perfection. None of us can doubt her rock solid relationship with her husband with every photograph together being the picture of contentment. All of us can recognise the traits of pampered, well brought up children in Priyanka and Rahul. Wonder of wonders she even managed a great relationship with her formidable mother –in-law which stemmed from mutual respect. She has managed to present a no-nonsense iron lady persona without mitigating her feminity and poise. The first time I bumped into her she was celebrating her fiftieth birthday at the restaurant at which I was dining and I was struck by how incredibly straight, beautiful and approachable she was with her dimpled quick to smile demeanour. None of us can dispute how effective a political leader she has been and her relationship with our PM is remarkable. The manner in which she is grooming Rahul into leadership is also worth a case study. He has been given the challenge of winning over the most difficult and critical state into the fold of the congress by 2012. She has let Priyanka and Rahul lead independent personal lives despite having political ambitions. They participate in page 3 events, have celebrity friends and dress as they please.

When a woman is in power as she is, few have the nerve to write anything about her since they are scared of repercussions. I am a woman who doesn’t move in her circles, has no political ambitions and write a blog which I don’t market.............Soniaji, I think you are the most remarkable Indian of today.

Best friends

Let us spend a moment on Boxing Day thinking of Aradhana Gupta who epitomises the best gift a person can possibly have – a fantastic friend. Aradhana and her parents spent nineteen years fighting for justice for Ruchika Girotra and were harassed in their fight incessantly. She gave up the game that she loved passionately since she never recovered from the scar of losing Ruchika. As a young girl she stood by her testimony through the years and did not succumb to severe intimidation.

I would define a best friend as a person from a gender where there is no physical attraction and who accepts, respects and loves one for what one is worth. Someone who will listen to your tales of woe and will probably have arsenal to blackmail you for several life times. A person one can have a vacation with and even share a room. One can discuss silly crushes, infatuations and revel in being an imperfect person.

One very often finds such friends early on in life, in the realms of school for it is at that time that we are the least judgemental. We spend a lot of time together and watch each other grow up through the rollercoaster years. Both my dear friends in school shared the same name – Soma – how weird is that? At our twenty fifth reunion we got together as if we has pressed a pause button on time.

A cardinal rule among best friends is to never let boyfriends or girlfriends interfere in the relationship. It is a recipe for disaster when two people of different genders squabble for the attention of the same individual, it makes a perfect setting for a Shakespearean tragedy. I drifted from my closest friend in college because the well meaning girl strived to find me a boyfriend. Many a woman very effectively gets weaned away from her friends after marriage, a situation which is highly dangerous for it leaves one isolated.

Close friends do not need nurturing like most relationships. They can be called on like guardian angels at any juncture in one’s life. I hadn’t met a dear friend for four years and last week I chanced upon a collection of twenty five Tintin DVDs which I had to buy for this Tintin crazy diva. I went across to her house with the gift and the entire family was so thrilled to meet me that I am still wearing a silly grin on my face.

Vithal C Nadkarni educated me today in his article in TOI that Boxing Day is a day to spread a little love. Let me start with my dear friends over the years......thank you for being around!

Sports for girls in India

While the case of Ruchika Girotra and ex DCP Rathore hold national interest for various reasons let us ponder for a moment on the opportunities and facilities for women sports persons in India.

I was fourteen years old when my district chose me to represent them in the selection process for the Maharashtra girls Table Tennis team. I played the game well and participated in open tournaments but had never trained formally and used a racquet that cost ten rupees. A young teacher who was training in my school was selected to accompany me to Ahmednagar. We left at six am in a state bus and after a few changes reached our destination after fourteen hours. We went to the venue that had been stated in the communication which was also to provide us a place to stay. The government girl’s school had thread bare mattresses strewn all over the hot dusty class rooms with no pillows, sheets or fans overhead. The toilets were in a condition that would make any scene in Slumdog Millionaire look like a holiday at the Ritz. My sweet teacher actually threw up her meager meal at the sight of the loo and declared she couldn’t possibly live in such squalor. We found an extremely basic room in a hotel for forty rupees for the night. We arrived at the venue next morning in time for breakfast which was the typical Maharashtrian “Poha”. I was dreadfully hungry and ignoring my teacher’s skeptical look I ate a plate of it. Within fifteen minutes I was retching with food poisoning. I managed to recover to play my match. The girls around couldn’t believe the racquet I was using and someone lent me their fancy Japanese imported piece. I didn’t make it to the team and leant from the girls that the south Mumbai girls who were in the team had driven in with their parents and made their own arrangements.

A year later I was to participate in an inter school match in Kolkata. I was livid since, being a “lateral” new girl in the school, I was delegated to only play in the doubles team despite being a superior player. The girls from the other schools advised me to enter the open tournament which I did. As luck would have it, my first round was against the defending champion and state ranked number one player. I realized that I was no match against her training and talent and would be smashed to pieces in front of everyone. I decided to change the match from a game of skill and talent to a game of concentration. I kept the ball very low, close to the net and pushed it to minimum momentum. With the ball having such a low velocity she could neither spin the ball or smash it. We were reduced to playing enormously long rallies which continued for several minutes. The defending champion started to crack up and the State coach kept counseling her. A large crowd had gathered to watch. We played a set of three games of which the first game took forty minutes with several deuces. I lost the game eventually and the match. The champion started crying and came up to me and asked me who I was and that no one had ever seen me play in West Bengal. I felt like I had gone through a mathematics Olympiad and TT balls were dancing in my brain. The State coach asked me to report for practice from the next day since he thought I could play for the team and would be ready to start the tour from next month. I stared at the wonderful prospect of playing in the beautiful government schools of Chandannagore, Durgapur, Bankura and suddenly my Chemistry and Physics text books looked appealing. That was the end of my sports aspirations.

What I am trying to say is hats off to the kids who manage to represent our country without monetary support from their parents. Conditions in most sports haven’t improved since 1979 which is when I went for the selection. Imagine the number of people who quit for the same reasons that I did.

School admission

Delhi schools have opened their doors for admission to the nursery grade for a period of one month. While some of us are reading the newspapers under our snug quilts, parents of three year olds are freezing in temperatures around six degrees centigrade from six am in serpentine queues to grab admission forms. The huge supply and demand mismatch in the availability of seats has given rise to a lucrative industry. Internet search engines will inform you about home tutors who will teach and “prepare” families for the admission process, coaching classes, sms alert services, blogs, forums and portals dedicated to the admission process.

We were rather paranoid about our daughter’s admission fourteen years ago since we were not dilliwallahs and knew not a single person of power and influence. We procreated young, had restricted revenue streams and positions of authority. In hindsight these characteristics were what made us succeed. We had nothing to be arrogant about, personified humility and we did not question authority but stood meekly in acquiescence during the interview. Our mothers were energetic and since there were no malls and minimal domestic help, the kid was taken to the zoo, galleries, taught nursery rhymes, read stories at bed time and even broke eggs which she stirred in the flour while I baked.

We very often blame the process and seek external help instead of focusing on what is easy. The school’s application form comprises of what appears to be simple questions but if one reads it carefully it measures ones involvement with the child. Think carefully and understand the child before filling the form, write from your heart, frame your answers positively and be honest. Take a photocopy of the form to read before the interview. Meanwhile, teach the child a few basic things that cannot be taught in a preparatory school. Some examples are where do you live, what work do you do, describe their grandparents, friends and parents. Spend more time with them before the interview so that they are confident and form a bond with you

The most difficult part is for parents to leave behind their ego, authority and arrogance which are by products of being successful. In India, it is normal for the father of the child to always try to answer questions addressed to both the parents while the mother is usually closer to the child. A mother’s love has no formal language and cannot be measured by diction or abilities of oratory. Educators do not evaluate parents as individuals; they look for people who care for their children.

It would help if the parents know each other well and agree on their strengths. Filling up the admission form could work wonders for a marriage since one may discover aspects of a spouse hitherto unknown. I have seen a cousin look incredulously at his spouse when he realized that the lady used to be proficient in theatre, writing and painting in school. Identify your key strengths in three sentences and do try to introduce them during the interview process. This is the time to understand the social and community service of your parents and grandparents that you discounted as a waste of time. You may well realize your Gandhian grand-father who always scolded you for your conspicuous consumption is your ultimate trump card.

Treat the interview as a joyous adventure rather than an ordeal. The panel will comprise of individuals such as you, maybe a little older. Dress well, be polite, speak when spoke to, do not interrupt, listen carefully, do not prattle, keep eye contact and sit straight. Doesn’t this sound a lot like what mamma told you before you stepped into the arranged marriage arena, when you went for your first interview, or perhaps when you first met your boyfriend/girlfriend’s family? If you can retrieve those butterflies in your stomach which kept you on the edge and had adrenalin pumping in your veins, you have clichéd the interview.

There is no greater gift one can give a child than a great school education.

Suggestions for festivities

Nine days for the year 2009 to come to an end and then we move into the new decade. For the next few days we will watch and read about the best and worst of this decade in various media. For many people the advent of a new year is just another passing phase in time and for others it is a major cause of trauma for they believe that unless one ushers it in with aplomb one is doomed to a dreary year. Here are a few suggestions for those affected with such a quandary.

If one is romantic and thinks one can spend twenty four hours with an individual and not squabble there is many a champagne, spa, dancing and breakfast deal going around in the city. The usual disconnect during such sojourns is that usually one's partner tends to treat the spa and champagne as a de-stressor and one may just welcome the new year snoring in between the comfortable sheets of a five star bed while the partner may be sobbing or glaring angrily in a Little Black Dress with her hair piled up in romantic tendrils over her head. The next morning may require big time groveling.

There is always safety in numbers and so one could gather a bunch of friends and travel to an exotic sunny destination. Resorts in south-east Asia are always a preferred option where the propensity of love for the dollar throwing obnoxious tourist is very high. Countries like Cambodia and Thailand are favorites and of course there is always our beautiful Goa which continues to be a very good destination to drop into a conversation for social acceptability.

If one has dreary commitments in one’s local place of residence and has to get back to work one could always play out the waiting game with a tight bunch of friends hoping that someone will eventually succumb and host a party for all to partake. Just ensure the folks who are being subjected to your mental vibes of persuasion live at a close distance from your house which is not intercepted by traffic policemen with breath analyzers. Also the person should be adequately wealthy and generous to pick up the tab and have minions for delegation of necessary mundane tasks like cleaning up, re-heating the food and lifting unconscious people.

If one prefers a professionally managed affair there are many options. If one wants to take all the generations along for the party there is always one being hosted in one’s condominium or colony as we like to call it. For the privileged there is the club party where the parents are frantically trying to keep their teenage children in their vicinity and away from the lawns and bushes. The teenagers prefer the “farm house” private parties over accompanying their parents and succumb to emotional blackmail only till the clock strikes twelve and run away to greener pastures. If one prefers anonymity then one can always go to the local restaurant, hotel, pub or lounge bar which will have cleared some tables, hired a local DJ and have a medley of people in all shapes, sizes, age groups gyrating wildly in a wavelength which is completely different to the beat in the music.

Whatever be the choice of destination the ladies all want to look drop dead gorgeous and sexy on New Year’s Eve. The jiggling belts of the slimming centers are working overtime and detox pill sales are soaring. Black and bling with the hair piled up high combined with smoky eyes and red pouty lips are always a winner. One is amazed at the number of girls who wash their hair in freezing water since heating systems in parlors fail to keep up with the rush. How the PYTs survive in tiny body suits in the low single digit temperatures of Delhi in outdoor venues defies my imagination.

Whatever be your choice of celebration just be sure to surround yourself with the people who really care for you, give you a tight hug and wish you a wonderful year ahead!

Aruna Shanbaug

The Supreme Court has admitted a plea to end the life of Aruna Shanbaug and sparked off a debate about euthanasia in this country. However Aruna’s saga highlights issues and laws that need to be revisited in the India that we see today.

Aruna was a twenty five year old in nurse in Mumbai’s KEM hospital who was good at her work, a forthright and outspoken individual and was engaged to be married to a doctor. She was assigned a duty in the dog research laboratory in the basement of the hospital where she berated her rapist, cleaner Sohanlal Bhartha Walmiki for ill treating the dogs. The man was irked at a mere woman speaking to him in this manner and took advantage of the fact that Aruna used to ignore the matron’s orders and changed her clothes after duty in the deserted laboratory instead of the nurses changing room to save time. His attack was so brutal that Aruna lost her eye sight, her ability to speak and lay paralyzed in a foetal position in her bed since his attack. She screams whenever she hears a male voice and has to be force fed. (Source Pinki Virani’s book “Aruna’s story”). Sohanlal was arrested and let off with only a seven year imprisonment for theft (since the police found Aruna’s earrings in his possession) and attempt to murder. Amazingly a case of rape was not registered by the police since Aruna was sodomised! This happened in November 1973 exactly 36 years ago and still manages to make people cringe. Aruna has been tended to by the determined staff of KEM hospital that has resisted pressures to shift her outside the premise.

Aruna’s story is that of a bully getting away after brutalizing a person who despite being physically weaker has dared to speak up. This does not extend only to the realms of feminism. We see students being abused during ragging sessions in educational campuses that lead to deaths and suicides every year. We watch people wielding power change natural justice and corporations bury news that will not show them in good light. What makes this case unique is that the rapist was a bully who was economically weaker but sociologically viewed as superior as a man in the India of 1973. The police refusing to register a case of rape also reflect their apathy.

I recollect a summer holiday with a large extended family at a beach resort where I was accosted by a man in the sea and being enraged I reacted by slapping him hard. My family was aghast and everyone berated me, apologized to the bunch of men and thereafter spent the rest of the holiday “protecting” me with a tight vigil. It was a very confusing message to give a seventeen year old and I kept asking what I had done wrong. I imagine things would not have changed very much till date in many an Indian family.

Tapan Sinha’s “Adalat o ekti meye” was a Bengali movie based on a similar theme. This is the kind of titillating news that makes for good copy and movies but like many a woman in the world we would like to know what we are supposed to learn from the story and tell our daughters – can they speak up?

De-stress trip

My daughter has gone for a “de-stress” trip from her school. One hundred and twenty teenagers and twelve teachers have descended on a wild life sanctuary created for the Panthera Tigris. In case you are wondering what on earth could stress these pampered children of Delhi in a collective group to warrant such a trip, let me explain.

In India we have two board examinations – one in class 10 and the other in class 12. Unlike other countries in the world the marks we get in these exams or “aggregate percentage” as it is lovingly spoken of, is branded on one’s forehead a lot like the Nazi sign that Brad Pitt was designing in the latest Tarantino film –Inglorious Bastards. Poker faced men and women will ask a person through one’s lifetime during admissions, job interviews and marriage discussions why the person’s aggregate was low in an exam conducted years ago. We have all designed novel synonyms for “I was generally goofing around and did not study” to slime past such situations while what we really want to say is “What is the relevance of my marks in Physics at the age of fifteen to selling your silly brand of toothpaste, credit card or lipstick?”

The schools take the board exam very seriously since their general ranking and public perception is determined to a large extent by the amount their students can cram and translate into marks. All year round in class 10 and 12, the kids and parents see rounds of examinations hit them like waves in a Tsunami. This is apparently to make the kids study hard, practice their exam writing skills and dispel all fears before D-day.

Now all of us adults know that till the age of fifteen kids sort of listen to parents and want to be perceived as good children. They want mommy around while they study, drink the hot cocoa she gives them with a smile and consume the vitamin tablet with freshly squeezed juice. By the time they are seventeen the balance of power has shifted. They are in their rooms while the mommy dear is fervently praying outside that they are studying. They have to watch the calories and will only eat substances that make them concentrate which broadly constitutes products of fmcg food giants which the dietician hates. Most often this is chocolate but I know a boy who apparently drinks five litres of his favourite aerated drink every day during his examinations. Mommies in India look very harassed at this phase of their life and age considerably. They practice yoga to improve their patience levels and stamina to stay awake.

My daughter will be giving her class 12 board exams and her class has gone to de-stress after the final exams and before the pre-boards. A DJ will be conjured from thin air who will have to produce around twelve tracks to be repeated incessantly. The kids are full of camaraderie and bonhomie since they are all jointly suffering this fate in the hands of the horrible examination system. The teachers with the class twelve kids are sentimental and everyone realizes school days are soon to be over. It’s thirty six hours of tears and laughter with lots of photographs thrown in.

Golf Widow

Google news analytics indicates that there is three times the number of articles on Tiger Wood’s sex life versus the UN summit at Copenhagen on climate change. Women are lamenting at Tiger’s indiscretions, the clergy is asking Elin to forgive and forget, the sports enthusiasts are critical of his decision to withdraw from golf temporarily, the men smoking cigars at the club are shaking their heads in disbelief at his naivety and I have raised eyebrows and a smirk on my lips at this salacious uproar. How the mighty living in the rarefied stratospheres of the golf circuit have had to be dragged into this hoi polloi hotchpotch.

Most women know that nothing usually comes between a man’s obsession for golf and a game. Many a lady has attempted seduction, cajoling, temper tantrums, emotional blackmail with the kids without any success. Men who find the task of reaching for a can of soup a major aerobic activity manage to wake up at the crack of dawn at temperatures ranging from forty to zero degrees and weather conditions ranging from drizzles to fogs to play golf. The Public Relations malarkey about Tiger giving up the game for his love is thereby viewed by experienced folk with more than a wee bit of salt.

Eight years ago I decided to learn golf from a pro after paying a huge fee and even buying a ladies golf set in a red bag. The Pro who introduced the term Golf Widow to me had said that while I had a decent swing he didn’t quite see me as the prototype. Women who have tried to wean their husbands away from the game and have failed eventually join the band wagon of those who have learnt to play hoping that it will give them four hours of quality time with the hubby who once in a while condescends to play with his wife when he can’t find a partner. This will eventually ensure more golfing holidays at places like Bali and Hawaii where spas and good shopping co-exist with golf courses. High performers in the corporate world always have wives who play golf. Can one imagine how Tiger’s sponsors must be feeling with his attempted role reversal?

The Koreans love golf and their wives also play the game dutifully. Korean women are also very particular about their fair flawless skin. In sunny climates like Delhi the women wear full sleeved shirts, gloves, full pants, a hat and a gauzy material wrapped around their hat, face and neck so that only their eyes are visible. I have always marvelled at their passion for the game under what I perceive to be very uncomfortable conditions at 45 degrees Celsius.

After news of Tiger’s escapades women are beginning to look at their golfer husbands with a puzzled look and immense expectations. We all know the adage that men play football in their twenties, tennis in their thirties and golf in their forties since the size of the ball is directly proportional to their testosterone propelled needs. How does Tiger run through so many uncomplaining ladies when my dear.......?

Sister Elin, all of us women sympathise with your condition but you surely didn’t expect a cute, rich and handsome celebrity to toe the line? Ordinary women know that husbands find the effort and work needed to perform with a wife too cumbersome while such power driven encounters shall we say is far less tiring. Stay with Tiger if you love him and he loves you, not for the kids or money since in this entire mess even you have become an international celebrity in your own right. Perhaps you should get a counsellor from your liberal home country Sweden rather than USA. Most people are rather impressed at your demonstration of alternate uses of a golf club. You must insist on royalty on Internet games that you have inspired like Break Media's Tiger Hunting and Break.com that has you chasing Tiger and mistress in his Cadillac while he tries to avoid babies, golf sticks, golf bags and trees.

I on the other hand may not even be allowed to enter the hallowed auspices of my golf club after this post:(

International Human Rights Day

Sixty one years ago the United Nations invited all its members and organizations to observe Dec 10 as International Human Rights day. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights declared that Respect for human rights and human dignity "is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world".

This was a world reaction at a time that people were both aghast and guilty of permitting the genocide and atrocities of World War 1 and 2. It was a period when many imperialist colonies of Asia and Africa were getting their independence. People thought they would build a compassionate world. As time has gone by the subject of Human Rights is viewed by many with cynicism as we today read about Lindsay Lohan rescuing victims of human trafficking in India along with the BBC! There are celebrities, politicians and activists who support causes and make impassioned speeches but ordinary people feel that they cannot make a difference.

Eleanor Roosevelt had said "Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home -- so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any maps of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person; the neighbourhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm or office where he works." If you were to hear the speech of Sunitha Krishnan on http://www.ted.com/talks/sunitha_krishnan_tedindia.html she begs everyone to stop the perpetrators of human trafficking by identifying them at a grass root level. Trouble makers exist and grow amidst us and we often watch them start as attention seekers who we dismiss as a temporary phenomenon. Within a short space of time they institutionalize their beliefs and become too powerful to be handled by individuals. If we looked within ourselves honestly we will acknowledge that each of us have often watched crimes and not reacted to avoid confrontation and because it works to our advantage.

Basic economics teach us that supply meets demand. If the rich did not demand organs for transplant the poor would not be duped or lured into organ trading. If housework was not so distasteful, maids would not be “recruited” through agencies that are obviously exploitative. We ignore child labour and despite knowing the fact that the underbelly of crime controls begging we give them money pretending it is good “karma”. Only a demand creates the USD 9 Billion Human Trafficking industry. One of our highest rated TV programs in India is “Balika Vadhu” which has child marriage as a backdrop. Wimbledon saw men and women have equal prize money only in 2007. Most people still discriminate based on sexual preferences, religion and caste in India. The UN is expected to ratify that the Indian Caste system represents Human Rights discrimination while Nepal has at least acknowledged it and sought international assistance to eliminate caste system in its country. One of the most prevalent forms of human rights abuse comes from governments in power where people are victimized for their political ideology and demands under the guise of national security.

Organisations such as Amnesty International, Human Rights watch, The International Centre for Transitional Justice, The Business & Human Rights Resource Centre, The Crimes of War Project, Physicians for Human Rights and the United Nations High Commission for Human rights play an immense role in their fight for human rights internationally. Developed countries have anonymous help lines that actually work where human rights abuse can be reported.

The first step is to be aware of these issues and secondly act upon them in our little spheres of life. While human vices will always encourage such corruption we hope this century will see a major advancement in the way we treat fellow human beings.

The object of my envy

My daughter bought a mobile phone for her eighteenth birthday which I have been looking at with the green eye. It’s a beautiful and self indulgent lifestyle gadget. The screen is three times that of my I-pod and the acoustic is better than my laptop. She takes out a stick contraption from a hidden compartment to type and looks like Bridgette Bardot with a long cigarette holder in Cannes, without the ill effects of tobacco. When she wants to switch off the alarm she just flips the phone downwards unlike me who has to switch on the lamp, rub my eyes, put on reading glasses and fumble. She also has a plectrum to play a guitar on the phone which defies my imagination. She can click a photograph of herself while looking at her own image which as you may imagine can really knock off the monotony of any situation.

I want to join the segment of cool people who carry such multi-coloured clever instruments but I disqualify on three counts. Firstly when I approach a mobile phone shop they do a demographic and psychographic assessment the moment I step in. The sales man will look at my current instrument and history will repeat itself once again with only business phones with high battery power, large memory, big bold letters on the screen, a scratch resistant body being shown. I usually get beaten into submission with yet another black functional phone since they do not make such pieces in Technicolor. No demonstration is needed and the purchase is done in five minutes. When my eighteen year old buys a phone it’s an event with multiple shops visited, demonstrations willingly being given for hours by youngsters who really understand appreciate and empathise with her consumer needs. The sales guy in this case had to be stopped from playing the guitar on the cell phone screen since Ma was fainting with luncheon hunger pangs at 3 pm.

Secondly my phone is my life line to juggling all the roles I play as mom, parent of school kid, work person, woman, housekeeper, hostess, guest, friend and daughter. I have managed to transform the art of most necessities into a remote processing operation. This translates to thousands of numbers that need to be stored which multiply at an alarming rate. Apparently people who use sexy phones do not actually store numbers and call people, they only receive calls. In some cases the photograph of the person calling will flash with ring tones specially allocated to them.

Thirdly my work associates do not trust me with such a gizmo. They have visions of me watching a Robbie Williams video while waiting at a client office or making goofy faces and clicking self portraits in a vacant meeting room which would not be very good for our business image. I had once installed a Guns and Roses song as my ring tone which was not shall we say well received. Apparently black gadgets are good for ones brand equity, just as black shoes, black jacket, black skirt and white shirt. They make a person look smart and intelligent.

Parental aspirations

Most parents ascribe the contentment and achievements of their children as being the primary factor for long term happiness. While economists and psychologists may argue about this being the foremost parameter in their measurement of happiness in their laboratory and statistical analysis, I speak as a layman from what I know and observe.

When the child incubates in a mother’s womb the parents only pray for a strong and healthy child. After spending forty five days as a slot machine for food, diapers and cleaning one is blessed when the child finally recognizes the parent with a fixed momentary stare. It is a while before the child smiles, grasps one fingers and then looks at one with unmitigated adulation and love. At this juncture the parent only desires that the child always be happy and tries to ensure there are no obstacles in the way to his or her aspirations. The choice of primary school is based on the same belief and institutions are scoured to find one with the highest teacher to student ratio, lowest work load and an emphasis on extra curricular activity. One wants to give opportunity because one believes that only by trial and error will children discover their potential and what makes them happy.

Somewhere along the line the parents who are now no longer enthusiastic and idealist youngsters tend to forget the basic factor that drove them for the initial fourteen years and begin to get competitive about their children. By this time parents too have reached middle age and are victims of unfulfilled dreams and sociological pressures in their measure of achievement. Parents tend to blur the distinction between happiness and monetary achievement and push the child towards the later. What we term as the difficult adolescence period is perhaps only a break down in communication. The parent no longer understands the thoughts, peer pressures, music, the language and the aspirations of the child.

This leads to a painful period where the child who has been encouraged to lead life in a manner to encourage independent thought and judgment is forced to make choices based on parental pressures. Parents perceive careers in the same context of their own generation and do not want to take the risk of the unknown. This is why we rarely see students with a creative mind and a high IQ score wander into unknown territories. It takes a great parent to produce a Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, to believe in them and let them dream. It is perhaps this reason that drives a nation of over one billion people to produce great doctors, engineers and statisticians but few great athletes, Nobel laureates or path breakers in any field.

Look around and ask a child what they want to do in life when they are seventeen years old. They will state careers based on perceptions of social success rather than end objectives Even if one asks then what they would like to study they will name institutions rather than subjects. My school Principal Mr. S. R. N. Rao who was a visionary educationist always stated much to the disgust of parents in the 1970s that it was okay for the kids to select subjects and careers and experiment with them. He urged students to change their subject of education midstream if it did not sustain their interest. He stated that it would be better to take a few extra years in one’s education rather than later lament in life that one was stuck in a rut doing something that does not hold ones interest.